Dear Readers,
When I first began teaching etiquette, I was filled with enthusiasm. I saw it as a way to bring more ease, respect, and confidence into people’s lives. What I didn’t expect was how this new path would affect my personal relationships - and not always in a positive way.
As soon as my friends and family learned that I was teaching etiquette, something shifted. When we went out to dinner, they would glance at me nervously across the table. Some would pause before picking up their cutlery, others would half-joke, “Tell me what I’m doing wrong!” At first, I laughed it off, thinking it was just a phase. But over time, it became clear that they weren’t always joking.
It saddened me to learn that some of my friends were uncomfortable eating in front of me at all. They were worried about being judged, worried they’d commit some unspoken faux pas.
My passion for etiquette has never been about catching people in their mistakes.
In fact, one of the greatest myths about etiquette is the belief that it’s appropriate to point out someone else’s behaviour in order to “teach” them how to be proper. The truth is the opposite: correcting someone’s manners, especially in front of others, is one of the most impolite things a person can do. Giving unsolicited advice about someone’s behaviour, no matter how well-meaning it may seem, is not just unhelpful - it’s bad etiquette in and of itself.
Etiquette is not about perfection. It’s not about passing judgment or silently scoring the people around us. At its core, etiquette is about making others feel comfortable, respected, and welcome. That means creating space, not rules. It means approaching others with empathy, not scrutiny.
I believe in etiquette because I’ve seen how it can help people navigate social situations with greater confidence. Whether in professional settings, formal dining, or casual conversations, it can be a powerful tool for connection. But, and this is so important, it is only a tool for those who choose to use it.
Etiquette is not mandatory. It is not a moral code or a universal measure of someone's worth or intelligence. It is entirely voluntary, meant to support those who wish to refine their presence and interactions - not to alienate, embarrass, or correct anyone who doesn’t share that interest.
So, if you’ve ever hesitated to be yourself around someone because of a fear of being judged by etiquette standards, let me offer this: the people who truly value etiquette for the right reasons will never make you feel small. They will never correct you in public, and they certainly won't use manners as a way to create distance.
Yours sincerely,
Katarina
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