Dear readers,
I have devoted a significant part of my life to learning and practising etiquette, and I’ve enjoyed most of the ride if not all.
But recently I got to thinking, if etiquette is based on good manners and kindness towards others, can there ever - paradoxically - be too much of it?
At its core, etiquette is built on respect - for other people, our environment, and the social harmony that connects us. It’s about consideration, and making life a bit more pleasant for everyone. The practice of good manners should be an uplifting way of living, gently guiding us to be better versions of ourselves. So is there ever a moment when we should pull the break? Surprisingly, yes.
While etiquette is meant to foster respect, it can become problematic when it morphs into an obsession. This happens when the focus shifts from promoting mutual consideration to a rigid adherence to rules for the sake of appearances. Instead of serving as a tool for personal refinement and smoother interactions, it becomes a method of controlling others’ behaviour and, worse, shaming those who fall short of these expectations.
The problem with this "etiquette shaming" is that it strips away the very essence of why etiquette exists in the first place (after all, shaming someone is a breach of etiquette in itself). Instead of cultivating an environment of kindness, it creates one of judgement, alienation, and exclusion. The spirit of etiquette should never be about belittling others but about building bridges of understanding.
At its best, etiquette enhances our lives, making us more thoughtful and considerate. At its worst, it can become a rigid framework that disconnects us from empathy and compassion.
Etiquette will always have a special place in my heart, but I will keep it there while remembering that the heart of etiquette is respect, not perfection.
Yours sincerely,
Katarina
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