''Hi Katarina. I am attending my friend’s wedding soon and the invitation mentioned that there will be food and drinks costing a small fee. I investigated further and basically there will be a buffet and a bar and whatever you will want you will have to pay for. We already paid quite a lot for travelling to the venue and for the gift, so is this appropriate?Thank you!''
G. F.
Dear G. F.,
thank you for your question!
I have to admit this is the first time I have heard of this type of a set-up at a wedding. Most of my recent wedding etiquette tips focused on the guests - to make sure the newlyweds have an unforgettable day for all the right reasons. But it might be time to flip the coin and also look at the behaviour of the married couple.
When it comes to etiquette, weddings are not much different from other parties such as birthdays or graduations. Once you receive an invitation to a wedding, you become the guest and those who host the party are the hosts. Already the word ‘‘hosting’’ implies that whatever refreshments are served or whatever program is organised for the party is the responsibility of the host. This includes covering the costs.
I fully understand that a bill for a wedding party can grow into enormous heights, however, it is not a requirement to serve the finest of champagnes or a Michelin-star dinner. A budget-friendly wedding can be equally fun and unforgettable just like a luxurious one.
I am not sure how this request to pay for refreshments was verbalised in the invitation, but if the couple is in financial troubles and truly cannot cover the costs of the food and drinks, an act of balance could be not to expect any extra wedding gifts, as the financial contribution would count as one.
I wish you a beautiful day ahead!
Yours sincerely,
Katarina
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